The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He better not be in your backpack
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
