i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Let's get the cat blown out
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
