I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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