Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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