come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
