We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
