I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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