fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I puked a lego.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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