some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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