just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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