tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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