I just pynch a tree in the face
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
