Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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