He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
