Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
