We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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