I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
