well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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