The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
