The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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