I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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