Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
