I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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