we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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