____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
