dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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