The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
How does one acquire holy water?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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