I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
