i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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