how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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