It's just like the Real World with babies
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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