How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
