I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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