Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
