can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
