Porn is love you can see.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
