Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
