There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Brb crying the tears of my youth
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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