loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
