It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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