Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
