I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
