I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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