I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
