Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
