Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
