Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
