My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
