Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
