Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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