some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
