we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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