So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
nutella sex= disaster
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
