ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
someone owes me an orgasm
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
