He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
