youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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