I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
What drink are we having for lunch?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
