when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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