Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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