the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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