your room smells of hookers.
And success
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
