So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
