Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
