Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
