Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
