can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
