the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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