In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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