Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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