your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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