Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
