i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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