I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
