I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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