Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
