her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
