last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
