My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
