Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
