just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
