FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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