The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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