I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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